What’s Changed?

Of course one of the thoughts that came up when the topic of moving came up was wondering what has changed.  What is different that this went from a pipe dream where we said that we’d have to win a million dollars to a real possibility?  The short answer is the house.

One of our reasons for moving to Montreal was that it is more affordable.  We could afford a house with a yard in a nice neighborhood not too far from downtown.  In Chicago, we would need to live in the outlying suburbs and take a long commuter train back and forth. It’s not a bad living, but not one we are interested in.  After a year, we bought a house here that is close enough that it is a 40 minute bike ride.  It’s a very good neighborhood and we have a yard.  But over the past couple years something started to sink in. A house requires quite a bit of work.  Throw in a pool and it starts to feel you spend most of your time with upkeep of the house, the yard, and the pool.  We started to realize this when we asked why we don’t go out and do things like go to festivals or even bike rides.

Now we’ve lived in a condo before and we know that there are headaches associated with it, but life would be different with that free time.  But it opened the door to the idea of moving back to Chicago. We could afford to live in the neighborhood where I grew up (that has since been slightly gentrified).  The housing market lately there has also made it more a possibility.

Interestingly over the past couple days, I asked myself that if we are now open to buying a condo, how would it be different to stay in Montreal and move into the city.  But I’m remember all the reasons involved.  And that it really boils down to.  There is no single reason why we would move and at the same time there is nothing to say that one place it better than the other.  It is more the conglomeration of all of them and how we fit together in one place or the other considering all the factors.  Oddly enough it is very much the same as when we left Chicago.  We had no one single reason back then either. Enough of the stars were aligning that said we would be better in Montreal. Some things have changed and some haven’t, but it seems the right move at this time. We will see if we still feel that way when we have to make the real decision at the end of this year.

Moving?

It was St Patrick’s Day, March 17th, 2012. My wife and I were out for drinks and a nice supper on one of our regular date nights.  Instead of joining the drunk hordes celebrating the holiday, we opted to try a bar recommended by some friends, then go to eat at our favorite Greek restaurant.  Now, over the previous few weeks (maybe months) I would often get in a pissy mood.  Something would set me off and I just be grumpy for the next few hours if not the rest of the day.  I don’t know why I would get that way and I didn’t know how to snap out of it.  For some reason, I was kinda getting that way that night.  My wife on the other hand was in a very good mood and the ‘beverages’ enhanced that.  At some point during the time after our orders were placed and before the food arrived, she grabbed my hand and enthusiastically and very earnestly said “I want to move to Chicago!”.

Seeing the gleam in her eye and her big smile, I knew this was not one of our regular “Let’s talk about the possibility of moving back to Chicago.” talks.  Those talks usually would happen during the 18 hour drive back from visiting family in Chicago.  We’d discuss the pluses and minuses of both places, what we would be leaving behind, and what it would take money-wise to make the move.  But this was different. It was an affirmative statement expressing a strong desire.

She began rattling off some points of why and why now, but my head was spinning.  While I spent the first couple of years after the move to Montreal comparing the two cities and further weighing the pluses and minuses, over the past few years I have spent more time affirming why Montreal is better for us.  I think I spent most of the rest of the evening just staring into space.  My mind was racing and I was racking my brain to remember everything at once.

I have always loved Chicago. It is my identity. But at the same time I’ve come to love the Canadian lifestyle. The distance has also given perspective to the American lifestyle, often not favorably. The negative aspects of the anglo-franco debate in Quebec was once again brought to the fore in my mind.  So much to think about and to determine what really is important. Both sides have great pluses and pretty much equal minuses.

But there is another huge piece to the puzzle. The kids. We moved here to Montreal primarily for their benefit.  How has that changed? Are we being selfish for our happiness (and indirectly theirs)? A move would not be easy for them, but it could also be a life experience to learn from.  There is also extended family and friends, but I’d rather not state anything more related to that publicly.

The next morning came and my wife stated “You know I was drunk, right?”  But that didn’t stop me from thinking about it. I kept trying to justify staying or moving but both remained fairly evenly balanced.  Then a couple weeks later, my wife went to Chicago for a family event.  While she was there, she texted me “When are we moving?”  I again thought it might be a joke, but it kept me thinking about it.  When she returned, we sat and had a serious talk about it. She stated the reasons why she proposed it and many of her reasons were the same as mine.  We actually started laying out a timeline with a move in over a year to coincide with the next summer break and we started determining all we would need to accomplish before the move.  It was incredibly exciting, but I was very cautious since I hate to be let down.  I continued to grill my wife about all the reasons and she continued to give good ones.  On my side, I tried to convey all the negative things we could expect and all the positives we would be walking away from.  At the end of our conversations, I think I was about 90% convinced to move, but extremely concerned about how the kids would take it.

During the following week we continued to discuss it during the drive to work and when we got home.  There was one point that my wife brought up that struck a nerve. She said that I haven’t seemed happy and that I was so much more energetic and assertive back in Chicago. It could be debated that this has been due to the addition of the kids in our life, but I knew it was correct.  Even though I have good friends in Montreal, recently got a great job, and life had turned around quite a bit since a rather dark period a couple years ago, I am not as happy as I felt I could be.  Plus I feel my options are so much more numerous back home.  I hate the idea of ‘giving up’ on Montreal, but we’ve spent 10 years here and feel it will work better for us in Chicago.  People probably also thought that we were ‘giving up’ when we left Chicago.  Both times it was a tough decision and both times it is taking a chance at failing.  But we feel it is the right thing to do and we are willing to do what we have to to make it work.  Nothing is set in stone yet and we are starting the ‘moving’ process, but we have started the process of preparing in the event this does become real.  We still have many months to think this through before we actually take the first real steps toward the moving process. In the mean time, I will continue to post thoughts about the process.